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| wow... |
[Monday
December 5th, 2005
6:34pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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the used |
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what do you do when you have no idea what to do?
and your scared of hurting people by the decision you make?
due to the chance you might loose them,
and then youll regret everything you did in the beginning anyway.
what do you do whent he one person you want to talk to is gone?
and never coming back.
no matter how bad you need to talk to them.
because you know if you did get to talk to them.
then things would be different.
if someone, anyone, can answer these questions itll help.
this past month has been nothing but wishful thinking. wondering why things happen and why you loose people who mean the world to you in everyway possible. It hasent been easy, and I am scared of hurting people I love because of stupid decisisions I might make soon or a later. I wish I could tell them what I think not having to worry about their reaction. for once, Id like to think about myself than other people, but I never do. I am to scared to loose the people who mean most to me.
I could pretty much say I wouldnt even be here without some people that have dropped everything to make sure I was okay. and thanks to them, I am okay. I know I am. I am just scared of loosing people that mean alot to me.
Courtney Robin Grucshow, I couldnt ask for a better friend if I wanted to. thanks so much for understanding me through all my troubles. know that I am here for you. and thatll never change... ever. I love ya pooks.
I guess thats all... sorry for rambling. I Just had to get a few things out and I feel better.
OH and before I forget... for all those people who are telling dumb lies to make others mad at them, its pretty low. and you should know that. and even worse, for the people who believe them over the truth, thats gay. you say you love someone then go and do the dumbest things to loose their trust. then make shit up? ha. some people are real shady, but whatever. ok thats all.
and the more I try to understand you
the harder it is...
leave comments ♥
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[Thursday
November 24th, 2005
10:56pm] |
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music |
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listen to your heart |
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ok so today was thanksgiving. I love this holiday! I mean, whats better than shoving your face into alot of good food...? Haha it was the best thanksgiving I had in years, except that I didnt see pooks. but I managed. we ate here, and my Uncle who I havent seen in a long time came over. then after that we all went to my favorite cousins house! Lauren and Chrissy! we ate dessert and played this real intense game, I never laughed so hard before. It was a good time I must say. then me, Jess, sam, lauren, and chrissy watched high tension and omg what a movie that was. I was so scared, and I think I will have a nightmare tonight... oh well. I hate movies with alot of blood it freaks me out. so lauren was driving us all home and well, I guess you had to be there.
and my sister Just walked in the door with the mail and there was a birthday card for my dad from my uncle and I guess it played music. and It wouldnt turn off so I asked her wtf was going on. and she said it was playing when she went to the mailbox and she was like wiggin out. omg too funny, so we had to open it to shut the damn thing off, and tommorow we will have to explain to my dad why we opened his card, wow.
anyways, I am looking forward to have tommorow off although I have basketball at nine AM. then I think I get to hang with my bestest friend ever, pdog. which I know will make my weekend 10 times better. yeah well thats it for now!
pdog, I love you! Cant wait to have little pookies roming the earth!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Oh I almost forgot... leave some comments ♥
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| Hello |
[Thursday
November 17th, 2005
9:25pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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the radio |
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decided I should update! have a blast... baha
Yeah so lately things have been tough. I made the varsity basketball team and practices are real tough. I guess I expected things to be different. oh well atleast I have fun, and we got our new warmups today, and soon we get our new Jerseys... their hott! saturday we travel to rome, NY and have four scrimmages against real good teams. I am looking forward to the season, and I know itll get my ass in shape come softball. I cannot wait for spring... if only it could come faster. OH well, until then I got open gym each sunday and thats cool because I have a blast! the softball girls are the coolest people ever!
so schools going pretty good besides the stupid, pointless, annoying drama part. I love how people start drama like its their hobby... it gets really annoying but I guess I have to deal wit it.
and I feel like I cant trust anyone anymore. everytime I have someone that I am close to and I do alot for them, its like someone turns a switch on them and they want nothing to do with me? maybe its me? maybe its them? all I can do is wonder at this point... I mean when you are good friends with someone and everything seems right and then BOOM they want nothing to do with you, it Just... hurts? I guess everything happens for a reason and I have to move on. but I think some peope get humor out of messing with me? and making up random screen names and pretending to be me and make my friends hate me? yeah thats soo highschool like. baha not! well yeah thats enough... for now atleast! hahahaha wow
never make someone your everything
because when their gone, you got nothing...
leave comments ♥
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| HOLLER |
[Monday
October 3rd, 2005
4:00pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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blink =) |
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HEY! yeah well I am excited to update even though there is not much to say.. although this update will be happier than the last one =) Yeah so today was pretty hawt. I mean school was easy and thats always a plus.I got no homework at all and so maybe thats a sign that this week will be good?
ok so anyway.. last weekend was homecoming and it was pretty exciting. friday I went to the soccer game with pooky and pooky? haha yeah and we won so that was pretty sweet I must admitt. I saw alot of people there and it was a good time. then saturday was the football game, I thought we started off good then it got real shaky. all the people, if any, who are reading this probably know what I mean. so we lost.. who cares, I had fun! I got to get a slurpee during half time. mmm! then I went straight to pookys house for the whole night because it was her birthday! sweet 16 babey! happy bday court hope you had a good one! it was fun. thanks to her dad I love watching football even more, and he gets really into the game and it made me laugh. we had pizza and wings and chilled with some other cool cats. I had a great time except for when we were outside and I like pretty much had a asthma attack! oh well.. I saw a shooting star! that rarly ever happens! must have been because it was pookys birthday, aka a real special event. so yeah.. I had a blast!
and that brings me to now where I wrap this entry up and goto physical theropy for my hip that I hurt on saturday. its 2 hours long today because I need to work on my hip and shoulder. ahh this is going to go by real slow.. well thats all.
leave comments because thats what cool cats do!
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[Friday
September 23rd, 2005
7:05pm] |
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 lonely |
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music |
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you and me |
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okay well I have no clue where to start. lately things have gone down the drain drastically. again I am reminded of the horrible time I had in ninth grade and I never thought I would ever compare my life now to that moment then. there are some things that went on that I wont even share in here Just because I dont want all of you who decide to read this to hear me bitch and moan.. because my problems are up to me to fix them and not you.
yesturday was a good day for the most part. school went by fine like always, and then I hung out outside with Brittney and Dan and some other cool cats. I was out there for like a good hour and then I went to courtneys swim meet with nate. I had a good time and I never new there was so much to know about swimming. they all impressed me like I knew they would. and I am going with nate again on tuesday.. I would be lieing if I said I am not looking forward to it because I am excited haha. yeah well that was fun then when I came home it was like someone turned a switch on my family. everything I thought that was clearing up and getting better, took a turn for the worse. I dont know anything anymore..
all I really know is that I am not who I used to be. things have gone down that I know will change me forever. I am willing to do anything for me to feel at a better spot than I am now, but I know its not going to easy and I cant depend on my friends because thats wrong. its up to me now, and thats what scares me the most. okay so today I went out with my mom for a little, mainly to talk and she found out something real bad and is dissapointed in me. I feel like all I ever do is dissapoint people, and I try not too, honestly, I really do. for anyone who really cares you can straight up ask me whats going on but dont expect to get all the answers. come summer, I might not even be going to rh. and sadly thats the best part of whats going on lately.. and come to think of it I think one of the biggest problems here is me being lonely. I need somebody to help me out here, somebody I can love and trust. because lately love is so used in the wrong way. its like the word hey on AIM. its used all the time weather or not people mean it. which half of them probably dont anyway.
I have lost one of the most important friendships this year. and everyday I think about how dumb I was for letting her slip away. Because no matter what anyone thinks she is an amazing person and no words or people can ever, or will ever change that. I Just hope that a blue moon comes and things get better, not Just for a week or two but forever. Again and again I blame this on me when all I ever tried to do was make things better. maybe when I thought I was making our friendship better, she thought I was pushing her away? I have no idea whats going on with that anymore, and I hope it clears up soon or a lter. Because I need this friendship more than alot of things right now. but like I heard from others, it takes two.
okay okay, enough of me going on and on about this not that anyone is even reading this thing and I dont mind at all. I Just want everyone to know that if I seem like I am changing and acting different lately, to know I am trying. and I want to thank all my true friends for their support! It means the world to me, Just like fixing everything else in my life does.
thats all.. leave comments if you are really that bored.
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| yo man |
[Thursday
September 22nd, 2005
12:44pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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the radio :-) |
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okay so I am in keyboarding and I am done early. ah Its real boring so I decided to update. Yeah haha I am so excited, I get to goto the swim meet today and watch pooky and rachel and all the other cool cats :-)! I Just know itll be loads of fun! today is going well.. I saw Ally and Ray before english because we decided to set aside a spot the day before so we can see eachother, aww. ALLY, I gotta talk to you later chicka. Glad I got to see you today! I had english and we pretty much played Jenga the whole class. It was fun and Dan Pieters knocked it down, haha it was funny! then I had math where it totally sucked because this new topic were on is mega hard.. and I dont know what I am doing. so tommorow I need to work my butt off for extra help. FUN!.. not! keyboarding is pretty chill all we do is type and when were done with the book works and lessons we can do whatever while listening to music. I think I like this class alot more now. next I have gym! that shall be mighty fun! I'll update when something exciting happens in my life and I feel like I should let you all know. ahhaha!
be cool.. and leave comments man!
OH! and its pookys birthday on the 1st of october, 10 days! everybody should wish her a happy birthday or I might do something mean to you. I am serious now :-)!
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| Today is Monday. |
[Monday
September 19th, 2005
4:45pm] |
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mood |
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 sick.. ahh |
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music |
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fall out boy |
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okay so the last few days have been pretty good I must say. this weekend was awsome except that pooky wasent around because she skipped school for a ND football game! yesturday was sunday and I had a basketball game for V fall ball league and that was pretty fun. I was nervous in the beginning because It seems like I havent played bball in forever Just because I did softball all summer with a few expectations. Once the game started I found myself weezing and coughing alot and now today I need to take a breathing test for a stronger inhailer, fun.. NOT! these breathing tests suck especially when your sick. so yeah anyway.. I got to play with my FHFL! haha we havent played together in so long thanks to Marshall! but it was fun and made my day. It was her birthday too! we beat olympia by atleast 16 points. I was excited when it was over simply because I was out of breath! haha oh well, then I came home and did homework and studied for math. school has been good lately because I ran into all my sophmore buddies! :-)! and that always makes my day better! so ya again, not much has happened but I felt like updating because, well I can! so thats that!
leave comments, their fun to read :-) :-)!
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| oh boy |
[Tuesday
September 13th, 2005
5:46pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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blink 182 |
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havent updated in awhile, I keep forgetting I even own one of these anymore. whoops. anyways alot has went down and I am not happy with most of it. yesturday was a great day until I came home. school was good for the most part. then when I did come home people started flipping out on me and saying things that werent true. It turned into a waste of time so I decided to stop talking to some people for now. after all this nonsense went on we went out to dinner at tullys for Jess's 19th birthday. I like when they sang out loud to her and the part where she got embarassed, it made me laugh for some reason. It was a good time though besides the fact that my dad was acting like a 4 year old drunk person.. imagine that. he was so loud and obnoxious. I had fun though. then I came home to hear more bullshit and continously argue with someone. It got no where and I am really upset about what was said. therefor it was hard for me to sleep last night and I had a bad day at school. school was so hott and long today I thought I was going to have a heat stroke! we had pictures and we had to wait until forever to get them done. seemed like today would never end. studyhall was the best part because I caught up on my book for english and got some sleep! :-)! and I talked to Adam the whole time, and that was nothing but good times. yeah then I came home yet to hear more bs. thats okay though because I am going to try and forget everything and concentrate on school work and what not. all I want to say to get stuff off my chest is that if people have something to say about me, to say it to my face.. its much easier that way. and for people to stop being immature and whoever is lieing about the whole " situation " to admit it.. its getting dumb and old. and.. my pookys bday is coming up, the countdown begins now! haha :-)! I love ya pooks! good luck at your meet today even though you cant swim because your shoulder.. maybe I can put some MAJICAL spell on it and make it all better. Just like that! thatd be so hott! haha yeah well thats all for now! like always, leave comments :-)!
your not the only one who hurts.
oh and if you really meant what you said to me, then dont expect anything from me anytime soon. because honestly, that hurt me real deep. and I havent been myself because of it either. and I am not trying to make you feel bad because if you cared you wouldnt have said what you did.
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| Hello |
[Thursday
September 8th, 2005
8:51pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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collide |
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ummm..
yeah school started
and like none of my friends are in any classes of mine
Its pretty stupid if you ask me
hopefully it will get better soon enough.
oh well, only time can tell..
leave comments, their fun :o)
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